My girlfriend's got into this new craft craze:

In bed, during sex, she'll knit a nice scarf.
They call it "make it 'til you fake it".

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I love TETRIS so much

I could write a column

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My next book will be short:

Memoirs of an Amnesiac

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I like to keep up with breaking news

So I know when waves happen

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I tried turning my frown upside-down

But there's a problem:
drinking.

Lucky my glass was half empty.

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Business idea: Parties for Jewish children

Location: under a big top.
They'd be circus sized.

(That was just a snip it.)

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I'm single

and ready to eat Pringles

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Served Caesar salad for lunch today

but Ides rather a sandwich

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On my way here I was stopped at the border

I have a real problem with customs
Like I won't take my shoes off before I enter someone's house
Though I'm never without my lucky bag of heroin

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Does the fence-builders’ union

still create a picket line?

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